


Scars

by Val_Brown



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), Tommy Ratliff (Musician)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-08-17
Updated: 2010-08-17
Packaged: 2017-10-11 03:20:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/107776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Val_Brown/pseuds/Val_Brown
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tommy battles with an eating disorder, Adam helps him find himself again</p>
            </blockquote>





	Scars

**Author's Note:**

> This was a prompt taken from the GlamKinkMeme on LiveJournal. I wrote it under my other name Valress.  
> Title is From Allison Iraheta's song Scars
> 
>  
> 
> I should probably also say that comments please me... they help with my growth as a writer... so please, comment :D

Looking in the mirror, Tommy smiled slightly. Finally, the small belly he had was gone; his abdomen flat, though he thought there was still a slight paunch. Turning sideways he looked over his reflection, he saw his stomach stuck out slightly, frowning, he turned back to face the mirror. His thighs seemed bigger than they were yesterday, running his hand over his chest he tugged lightly at the sparse hair, yeah that will have to go. Pinching his sides, he scowled at the extra he could grab; before he could do anything else he heard a knock on his door. Quickly he slipped his jeans on and threw a hoodie over his head as he walked to answer it.

 

“Hey baby, what’cha doing?” Adam asked as he swept into the room, a trail of glitter and the scent of Dior in his wake. Closing his eyes, Tommy just let that comfort wash over him. Turning he followed Adam into the room, seeing his friend sitting on the bed, looking at Tommy’s full plate left over from breakfast. “You didn’t eat again”

 

“I just wasn’t hungry Adam, it’s no big deal” Tommy said as he turned and took the plate setting it on the room service cart, covering it back up, the last thing he wanted to see was that damn food taunting him. His stomach was empty, but he ignored the twinge, and turned to face Adam. “So what brings you to my room?”

 

“Well, Monte is worried about you.” Adam said as he looked down at his coffee cup, he didn’t admit it but he was too. He had noticed the way Tommy would skip dinner, or pick at his lunch, nothing like he used to be, eating anything that was remotely edible. Adam was pretty sure underneath his hoodie, he could count Tommy’s ribs, he knew that he was losing weight, he could feel it, and see it in his face, his jaw line more prominent that ever. “Is there anything you want to talk about?”

 

“Like what Adam?” Tommy asked angrily as he whipped around his dark eyes shining. “You want me to talk about my failed relationships?? Or, or maybe that god damn groupie that is saying that I got her pregnant?? What do you want me to talk about?”

 

“Damnit Tommy, anything. Just fucking talk to me!” Adam said as he crossed the room and grabbed Tommy by the arms, gasping at how thin they were. Tears stinging his eyes, Adam shook him. “Why? Why are you doing this to yourself??”

 

“Doing what Adam? Taking control of the only thing I can? Tell me Adam, what the fuck am I supposed to do?!?” Tommy yelled as he tried and failed to pull his arms free from Adam’s grasp. All he ended up doing was wearing himself out and falling against Adam’s chest. His breath hitching as the tears threatened to fall. He didn’t want Adam to understand, he didn’t want pity, or love, he didn’t deserve it. He was fat and stupid, he was the only one that understood what he needed to do, he needed this, it was the only control he had, while his life spiraled down. “What am I supposed to do?”

 

“Talk to me baby, let me help you” Adam said as he rubbed circles over Tommy’s back, he could feel the sharp points of his spine through his sweatshirt. Choking back the tears, Adam just pulled Tommy in closer.

 

“He left me, Jason left me… What am I going to do??” Tommy sobbed against Adam’s chest, forgetting about how hungry he was, forgetting about everything except Adam holding him. His boyfriend, his backbone was gone, now who was he going to call and talk to at 3 in the morning? It was all over this pregnancy clusterfuck. He didn’t even know the girl. She was saying he had gotten her pregnant sometime in February, he honestly couldn’t remember her, but he did know that he didn’t sleep with her. But no one else seemed to believe him.

 

“Tommy, it’s gonna be ok.” Adam whispered against Tommy’s hair. He had no idea what else to say. He had never been in either of the situations Tommy has found himself in; he wasn’t sure what else to say. He knew about Tommy’s boyfriend, but only marginally, he knew that this breakup was eating Tommy alive, and this situation with that girl was only making it worse. “Just promise me you are going to eat something, please?”

 

Just nodding, Tommy pushed away from the warmth of Adam’s arms. Tucking his hair behind his ear, Tommy turned and sat on the bed. He knew that now Adam would watch him closely, making sure he was eating. He would find a way around it, he could control this, could control what Adam saw and what he didn’t. He didn’t want to be fixed, he wasn’t broken. He had this under control.

 

Satisfied with Tommy’s answer, Adam walked over and pressed a kiss to Tommy’s forehead. He looked back at the blonde one last time before he opened the door.  “Baby, get ready we have to leave in about an hour.”

 

~~~~~~

3 weeks later

 

Pushing his food around his plate, Tommy could feel them all staring at him. They always did when it was time to eat. They would never let him get out of it; always there was someone with him at a meal time. They always made him eat; finally he stabbed a bit of his steak and made a huge show of putting it in his mouth and chewing. He finished everything on his plate and felt like shit, there was only one thing to do after this, and he couldn’t let them know. 

 

After what seemed like forever, Tommy was finally alone in his room. Turning on the bathroom light, he stared at his reflection in the mirror, grimacing he looked at the toilet then back at himself. “Just do it you pussy, you are just going to get fat and then Adam will send you away.” He told his reflection, he knew it wasn’t right, he knew he was hurting himself, but he couldn’t stop it. Turning he dropped to his knees and hunched over the toilet, shoving his fingers down his throat he gagged, bringing up his entire dinner. Sitting back, he wiped at his mouth with the back of his hand and curled into a ball, sobbing.

 

~~~~~~

 

Adam stood outside Tommy’s room, the extra keycard in his hand, he knew that he was about to do something that could either save his friends life, or something that will push him away and further into whatever hell he was spiraling into. Pushing the door open, he walked in and nearly cried at what he saw. Tommy was barely more than bones; he was standing in the middle of the room in just his boxers, his hips jutting out, his ribs.. fuck Adam was sure he could count every damn one of them. He couldn’t contain the startled gasp that fell from his lips.

 

Turning at the sudden noise, Tommy saw Adam standing there, grabbing his hoodie, he pulled it over his head, but he already knew Adam saw, it was written all over the other man’s face. Hanging his head Tommy knew Adam thought he was disgusting, that he was fat and not worth the energy to try and fix. Pulling his sweatpants on, he turned to face his boss, fully expecting him to fire him on the spot.

 

“Oh god baby, you are just bones” Adam said softly as he walked over and put a hand on his cheek. He didn’t try and hide the tears; he let them fall freely down his cheeks, eyeliner making dark lines on his face. “Why? You promised”

 

“I can’t stop Adam. I have to do this, I’m fat. You don’t like me when I am fat.” Tommy said softly as he leaned into the touch, how long had it been since Adam touched him like this? Since before Jason left him, before the girl claimed she was having his kid. Sighing he never realized how much he missed this; just Adam’s presence seemed to calm him.

 

“Where did you get an idea like that baby?” Adam asked as he looked down at Tommy. He couldn’t believe Tommy thought that, why was he doing this to himself. He was angrier with himself for not catching the fact that his friend was killing himself right in front of his eyes. He couldn’t believe that Tommy thought that he was fat, he was far from it. Gathering the tiny body in his arms, Adam pulled him to sit on the bed. “Talk to me, please. What is going on?”

 

“Nothing, it’s fine. I have this under control.” Tommy said as he pushed off of Adam’s lap. He did, he had this under control. He didn’t need help. He could handle this, he was handling this, and everything was fine.

 

Exasperated, Adam watched Tommy fidget with his hoodie, his fingers instead of being nice and tapered like they used too, were just bony, his wrists were so thin, Adam was sure he could actually see the bones moving together under his skin. How had it gotten this bad? How had no one noticed?  “Tommy, you need help, baby”

 

“NO! I don’t! I am fine, would you just back the fuck off! I… AM… FINE!” Tommy said as he whirled around, facing Adam, his eyes flashing angrily. Putting his hands up in surrender, Adam just watched Tommy angrily storm out of the room. Putting his head in his hands, he just sighed. How was he going to save Tommy, if he didn’t do something he was afraid he would die.  Standing up he headed out the door, when his phone rang. He was barely able to get a word out before Monte’s voice was yelling in his ear.

 

“Wait! Monte, what is going on??” Adam asked as he walked out into the hallway his phone tucked between his ear and his shoulder. The next words out of Monte’s mouth made his stomach drop.

 

“Tommy just passed out, Adam get your ass down to the lobby now!” Monte shouted as he hung up the phone. Sprinting towards the stairs, Adam was surprised he didn’t fall all the way to the bottom, crashing through the door, he skidded to a stop, lying on the floor was Tommy. His thin chest barely moving, Adam knelt next to him, taking his hand.

 

“Tommy, come on baby, please open your eyes” Adam begged as he looked up at Monte. “You called 911??”

 

“Of course” Monte said as he ran a hand over his face. His fear for Tommy etched on his face; the younger man was like a little brother to him, same as Adam. Monte had seen the changes, watched Tommy wasting away, not knowing how to bring it up, and not knowing how to help. Now seeing his friend lying prone, it was alarmingly clear that Tommy had a serious problem, now it was time to fix it. “Adam, here they come.”

 

Not wanting to let go of Tommy’s hand, Adam reluctantly let go, and stepped back. He felt Monte’s hand on his shoulder, turning he just nodded. After finding out what hospital they were taking him to, he followed Monte to the car. He looked over at his friend, and looked at his hands, grabbing his phone he hit his speed dial and waited.

 

“Mama… Yeah, umm what was the name of that hospital you and Monte sent me to when I was really sick?”

 

 

~~~~~~

 

Tommy felt like he was crawling through a down comforter, only it was in his head. Blinking he tried to sit up but found his head weighed too much. Groaning he turned and saw Adam asleep in the chair next to him.

 

“What the fuck is going on?” Tommy rasped out as he saw the IV in his hand, and realized where he was. Struggling to sit up, he groaned and let his head fall back against his pillow. Hearing Tommy’s voice Adam opened his eyes and sat up in his chair. Grabbing his hand he just looked at him.

 

“Oh god, baby, I am so sorry.” Adam said as a tear snuck out and slid down his cheek. He really let himself see Tommy, not the façade he had been seeing, but actually looking at the shell that was his best friend.

 

“Sorry for what? Why am I here? What the hell happened, Adam?”  Tommy asked as he tried again to sit up, only to fall back frustrated. “Could you help me sit up, I feel like a kid”

 

Helping Tommy sit up, Adam nearly sobbed at the feeling of his spine under his fingers. After getting him settled Adam sat back in his chair, his hand near Tommy’s but not touching. He knew what he had to say, but getting it out was harder than he thought. He could only imagine this is what his mom and Monte had to do with him.

 

“Tommy, how long has it been since you ate? I mean a real meal, not what you call a meal, but a real meal.” Adam asked as he lightly touched Tommy’s hand. He felt Tommy pull away, sighing he left his hand on the blanket. “Baby, you have a problem, please let me help you”

 

“Adam, I don’t…” Tommy began as he felt Adam put his hand on his wrist. Looking down he noticed just how small his wrist was in comparison to Adam’s. Sighing he looked up into sad blue eyes.

 

“Tommy, you passed out in the hotel lobby, you could have had a heart attack. Baby you scared all of us. Please, let me help you.” Adam begged as he took Tommy’s hand, running his thumb across the back, wincing at the IV stuck under the skin. Looking into large scared eyes, Adam let another tear slip out, making a gray streak down his cheek.

 

“Adam, I don’t think I can stop…” Tommy whispered as he let the tears fall. Finally, maybe he could stop, maybe he didn’t need this. Maybe Adam could help.

 

“Baby, listen to me. There is this place… My mom sent me there. Baby they can help you.” Adam said softly as he sat on the bed, pulling Tommy’s hand into both of his. He needed Tommy to understand he was trying to help, he wasn’t sending him away, and he just wanted him to get better. “They helped me”

 

“You? But…” Tommy said as he looked at their hands. He wanted this, he wanted to get better if it meant Adam would be proud of him that was part of the reason he was doing what he did. He thought Adam wanted him smaller, like Brad. He thought that he had control of this, everything else was falling apart, but he could control what he ate, or didn’t eat, he could control his weight, could control food. Jason left him, he had no control over that, but eating… he controlled it. The girl claiming he got her pregnant… he couldn’t control her lies… but food, he controlled it. The thought that Adam struggled with this ‘issue’ that he had gotten through it, and is now sitting next to Tommy telling him he could do this, it made Tommy’s breath hitch. Pulling Tommy close, Adam let his hand rub along his back, just whispering nonsense.

 

“Baby, it’s gonna be ok. I promise. Please let me help you.” Adam said against Tommy’s hair, pressing a soft kiss to his temple. He felt Tommy relax slightly, and wrap his thin arms around Adam’s waist.

 

“Please, help me Adam.” Tommy whispered against his chest, his tears falling freely. “I will go, just promise you will be there when I come home.”

 

“Baby, I am not going anywhere. I will be right here when you come home to me.” Adam said as he looked down into scared brown eyes. “Promise you will come home to me.”

 

Nodding, Tommy leaned up and pressed a chaste kiss to Adam’s lips. “Yes, I will, I will get better and come home to you”

 

~~~~~~~

3 months later

 

Adam stood outside on the porch waiting for his mom to pull in the driveway. She had gone to pick up Tommy from Red Haven earlier, she had called and said they were stopping for lunch and would be there about 2:30. It was 2:35 and Adam was getting antsy, he hadn’t seen Tommy for nearly all of the 3 months he was gone that was part of the therapy to help Tommy realize why he was starving himself, or binging and then purging.  

 

He ran his hand over his hair, brushed nonexistent lint from his pants and nearly passed out when the car rolled in the driveway. He didn’t move, he waited his hands tucked in his pockets. Like a cheesy scene from a romance movie, Tommy stepped out of the car, his hair still the blonde Adam loved, his face fuller, he had definitely put on weight, and he looked healthy.  Smiling, Adam watched him walked slowly up the driveway until Tommy saw him, then it was like a rush of air hit his lungs.

 

Looking up from the driveway, Tommy saw him standing at the door. Dropping any semblance of what looked right or even caring if there were paps in the bushes; Tommy sprinted to Adam throwing himself into his arms, His face buried in his neck, just drinking the scent that is all Adam. The scent he missed more than anything, the one thing he dreamed about the entire time he was gone was this moment, of Adam being here, waiting for him, holding him. “You kept your promise”

 

“Of course I did baby. Where else would I be?” Adam asked as he pressed a kiss to Tommy’s hair. He missed this, missed the feeling of Tommy in his arms, of the feeling of his hair tickling Adam’s chin. Adam hadn’t realized it until Tommy was in the rehab center, but he had fallen hard for the brown eyed man. More than anything he wanted to tell him this, but he didn’t want to scare him. “You kept your promise, too”

 

“Of course, I love you. I had to come back to you” Tommy said as he pressed a kiss to Adam’s lips. He had talked about many things with his therapist; one major thing they talked about was his feelings for Adam. He had been keeping them from everyone, even himself that was the reason his relationship with Jason had fallen apart. The issue with the groupie had been handled while he was in therapy, turns out she had never even been where she claimed, and was only doing it for the press and a possible pay out.  He was glad that was over, he just wanted to get better, and now that it was over, he could focus on getting himself better. Focus on himself for once, and not worry about pleasing anyone else. 

 

“You… you love me?” Adam asked shocked. He had not expected that. He expected anything else but not Tommy saying that. Pulling him close, he smiled down into brown eyes filled with love. “God I never…”

 

“Shhhh, I already know. Now shut up and kiss me for real” Tommy said as he pulled Adam down to really kiss him.

 

Yes he had a long way to go before he was “cured” and in reality he would never be cured. This would always haunt him, always be that whisper in his mind, but he had Adam now and he knew. He just knew in his heart of hearts that it would all be okay. He would be okay.


End file.
